The Last Five Years…An Actress’s Reflection

Author’s Note: This was originally written on May 24, 2012, but it was never published on this blog.

Word to wise about me: I’m not your “type.” I never will be. I don’t fit into a clear-cut mold of ethnicity, socioeconomic background or physicality. I’m myself. Accept that. Love it. Take me for who I am (“Rent” reference, anyone?) Five years ago, I embarked on a journey that I’m still on. There have been and are (at least at the moment) bumps in the road. No road is easy, everyone will tell you that. Even those who become doctors and lawyers study their lil’ butts off to “make something” of themselves. Coming up in June, I will have been in NYC for five years and to me, that’s hard to believe and easy to understand all at once. My senior year of college, I auditioned at the New England Theater Conference (NETC) with what seemed like a thousand other actors. I managed to get two callbacks that day: I had a horrid one for the “Diary of Anne Frank” and quite a pleasant one for a theater company in NH.

However, nothing came of those callbacks…but, two weeks later, I received a letter in the mail that Circle in the Square Theatre School was there and wanted me to attend their summer intensive workshop. I FREAKED OUT. I’d always wanted to go to NYC for some form of education, let alone theater school. I still remember that day because I brought the letter with me to Hymnody class to show not only my professor, but friends as well. I was shocked. I even remember the phone conversation I had with my father. Nonetheless, it all worked out and I moved to NYC for what I thought would be a few months of intensive study. It was the most intense, fun, and rewarding summer of my life, and I STAYED in NYC. Who knew that I’d go from having one film credit on my resume to getting my union cards in five years?

The journey is far from over. In fact, for me, it seems to just be beginning. I’ve been studying for these past five years and working towards my dreams. Sometimes I forget that I got to NYC because, yes, I must have some talent in me after all. Over these past few months I’ve been auditioning like crazy. Going to EPAs, getting called in for film auditions. And sometimes I think things aren’t happening “fast enough” or at all for that matter. But what do I know? People could be sitting in a room with my headshot on a cork board debating whether or not to call me back. Who knows?

I’m coming to terms with the fact that sometimes, not knowing, is just fine. I’m a good actress. I’ve finally come to acknowledge it in a sense. I’m unique. SOMEONE will say “Hey, that’s the girl,” and cast me. SOMEONE will. I know it. I work too hard for my efforts to be futile. Something is coming. I just don’t know what yet. But I can rest easy knowing that every time I go into an audition, I get to do what I love. I feel alive. And I want to feel alive as much as possible. So God, and Uncle Steve…If you are reading this from heaven, help me make my dreams a reality. I’ve come so far already. Here’s to five more years in NYC and then some.

Since writing this article nearly a year ago, I have appeared in the play The Boy’s Next Door and worked on various television projects. Oh, and I also started a blog. 🙂

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